It’s a good question, worth repeating for the hard of hearing:
“What are you doing with YOUR life…?”
A question I was asked this evening. A good question, I thought. Even though I didn’t really have an answer to. I simply said:
“I don’t know any more.”
It’s true, I don’t. I have dreams and aspirations, but not really… not any more… not like when I was younger. I don’t have the same things to prove. People don’t impress me, and I don’t have anybody to impress any more. Have I done all I want to do in life? Seen all I want to see in life? Experienced all life has to offer…? Some days it feels that way.
Once upon a time, I felt that I needed to DO something, achieve something, prove something… to SOMEbody. Now I find myself in what I call the ‘apathetic blah’ – I don’t care… but others do…
“I’ve lost the passion.”
I have, it’s gone. In my family fairytale book it ended with:
“…and lived happily ever after.”
There is no chapter for how to deal with divorce… losing your children… life after loss… how to start from $0 and no assets… It makes me appreciate the few friends I actually have.
BUT I still want to do something with whatever is left of my life. As I say, I have one last Hoo-rah left in me… one last BIG thing I have energy enough to do… I think all of us do. Can my life – our lives – really have been for nowt? We all start off startled and cold upon entering this experience, and we probably leave the same way. What do we do with the space inbetween?
I think I’m lucky that I get to work with a clean slate… I don’t have to leave a dead-end job to start again… I don’t have to walk out of a failed marriage… I don’t have to throw down my gun and walk off the battlefield… I’m not hospitalized and wondering, if I’ll ever be well again… I just have to answer a very simple question:
“What are you doing with your life?”