As StarTrekshould say, “FEAR… The final frontier!”
Think about it. What is stopping YOU from taking on the world and becoming EVERYTHING you were BORN to BE…? It’s not space, I can tell you that much! It’s…
That’s MY acronym. But eventually you’ll run out of energy and stop. But guess what, FEAR is right there with you, because it’s within you, with you, around you. The ONLY way to combat fear is to take it on with action. So, in Part Three, the next step in taking control over your fears is to list the top three fears you have and tackle them head-on!
What are YOUR top three fears?
This is the biggest step you’ll ever take in overcoming your fears. Once you KNOW that everybody has them, but doesn’t know how to deal with them, hopefully you’ll feel more comfortable sharing your insecurities. Once they are out of your head and in the public domain, they have no more power over you, especially if you have taken the steps to love yourself and invest in your own self-value.
In the spirit of sharing, here are my three biggest fears:
Asking for help/ showing weakness
Opening up/ Letting people in
Lack of recognition/ rejection
I think I’ve tackled them in this blog post, and that was part of the idea. I still need help, but I’ve done it. The next step is having the confidence to get out there and do some public speaking on the subject…!
Once you know what your top three fears are, make a conscious effort every day to do what scares you most. Take baby steps at first, but make it part of your daily routine. After a while the feeling of fear will become less and less until it becomes small enough to manage. It may even disappear completely! Trust me, once you have taken control over your fears, there really will be nothing to hold you back in life.
After the overwhelming response to How To Overcome Fear 101, my first article on the subject, I decided to do overcoming fear 202, or Part Two!
We’ve all experienced fear at one time or another, so let’s just dwell on that for a minute. Here’s a short exercise that might help you the next time fear arises in your life:
Think of something in the past you were afraid of, but aren’t any more.
Go back in time in your memory to when you were afraid (it won’t feel the same, as you’ve gone past it, but try to remember how you felt)
Try as best as you can to visualize yourself trying to confront it.
The more you thought about NOT doing it, the bigger and more frightening it became, right?
What did you do and think about to NOT confront it?
That didn’t help, did it?
Now either one of two things happened: A. You were forced to confront it, or B. You were brave enough to tackle it yourself.
You came out the other side and YOU SURVIVED…!
Overcoming fear is a daily challenge for us all at some level. What is scary to some isn’t for others, don’t let other people laugh at your fears, they are genuine and justified! Learning to confront and deal with our fears is part of life. How you choose to deal with your fear obstacles will determine how far you go in life. As you remember back to that fear you overcame, what did you do to overcome it?
If you can relate to the exercise above, why not think about that a little longer while I share my favorite quotation:
“Fear lives in the future.
Regret lives in the past.
Live in the Present, for that is what it is, a gift.”
AND that is my best advice to you when dealing with FEAR… bring it into the present moment. If you’d followed the guidance of article one, you’ve written it down, you’ve taken it out of your head, now it’s time to live in the NOW.
Far too many people are not living the lives they were born to live, because they are afraid of what might happen. In all my years of working with people, the two biggest obstacles are fear of DEATH and fear of the UNKNOWN. Personally, I lump them both together, as none of us know what death actually is, so it’s unknown. So, what are they actually afraid of when they say they are scared of Death or the Unknown?
My answer is that they don’t know who they are.
I don’t want to get too philosophical, but we can’t know Death until we die, and by definition the unknown is unknowable, so why stress and worry about it? At the core of both is the questioner – your self – you are not dead, and if you know yourself, you know enough to live your life.
In Part Three we’ll look at actually tackling your fears head-on…
My FREE BOOK weekend was a big success, so thank you to all of you that partook. I hope you find it useful in getting a great start to 2019. However, some people who have read my book, “My First Goal-Setting Book”, have written to me asking about overcoming fear, so I thought I’d tackle this subject in a blog post.
I deliberately left this out of the book, as it is aimed at people that already have dreams and goals in mind, and have already overcome the hurdle of inactivity due to fear, but I’ll cover it simply below.
Many of you may have heard of the acronym for fear:
The first thing to know about fear is that it’s natural. Everybody at some time in their lives (yes, even me!) experiences fear. Now, just so we are all on the same page here, when I talk about fear in this context I’m not relating to phobias nor situations of mortal danger, I’m referring to negative mental games we play with ourselves that stop us acting on our goals and dreams. You may be surprised to know that fear is the major reason the vast majority of people never even TRY to do anything new or different in their lives!
So, if we all experience fear, how come some people allow it to stop them, and others deal with it and get on with life?
Even successful people feel fear from time to time, the difference is they have developed systems to combat that fear and move through it. I’m going to highlight a few basic techniques you can use to overcome most of your fears.
1. Write It Down!
Most of our fears are ‘mental demons’, they live in our heads, we try to hide them, certainly never talking about them, and the more we feed our fears with attention, the more our imaginations run wild. Take a few moments to write down EXACTLY what it is you think you are scared of. Often times just the exercise of really thinking about it ON PAPER is enough to put it in perspective.
2. Action ALWAYS Cures Fear!
The next time you feel fear, shorten the time between feeling scared and actually acting on it. As said, most fears are not real, they are mental monsters, and the longer we sit on them without acting, the bigger they become. Perhaps you have a phone call to make, but you are scared of how it will go, rather than dwell on it, just pick up the phone and make the call. Perhaps you want to ask someone out on a date, why wait until someone else asks them out, just go for it!
3. Play It In Reverse.
This is the one that I find most useful in my life. Whatever it is I’m procrastinating about or scared of doing – usually those awkward phone calls! – I write down what I’m scared of, then I picture the outcome I want, I really get in touch with how I FEEL after I’ve made that call. I play the scene backwards with that feeling. Only when I feel totally calm and comfortable do I make that call. You know what, over 90% of the time the call goes exactly as I imagined it.
Obviously there’s not enough space in one blog to fully cover this topic – there are hundred of books on the subject, if you wish to find out more – but these are just some of the tricks that I use and work for me. As with most new things, it’s going to take some time and practice, but of all the things you can learn in life, getting a grip on your fears will be one of the best things you did.
I’d love to hear how you get on, so just drop me some of your experiences in the comments section below.
Most authors of self-help books might be cashing in at this time of the year, especially if it’s one about setting goals and New Year’s Resolutions, but because I want people to actually read and benefit from my book, it’s FREE all this weekend, and if you can’t afford to buy the book after this offer expires, you can email me here and I’ll send you a free pdf or audio file!
Christmas is a time for giving, a time for loving, and a time for sharing, but it can also be very stressful with all of the holiday shopping crowds vying to find that ‘perfect’ gift for somebody. Books make great gifts because they just keep giving, especially if they are as packed full of useful information as MY FIRST GOAL-SETTING BOOK by development coach and mentor, Anthony James Donnelly.
Many people start to think about New Year’s Resolutions at this time of year, but the reason most people fail in their endeavors is they don’t have a workable plan of action.
“Just making a New Year’s Resolution won’t make it happen!”
He uses clear, simple language with no ‘fluff’, just the information you need to succeed.
If you’ve never set goals before, or set them but not hit them, or are shopping for somebody you know that needs help setting goals to get their life back on track, this is the book for you. It’s available in three convenient formats: Kindle, Paperback, and Audio Book, narrated by the author.
Most intelligent people around the world know that the education system needs a major overhaul. Most comprehensive schools are still teaching our children in much the same way as when the school system began over a hundred years ago. Our children are being trained to be what I call ‘job fodder’. The mainstream schooling system educates our children just enough to get a job, and perpetuates the MYTH that we should all get a ‘good’ job, work hard, and then enjoy life in retirement (if we make it that far!)
Have you ever stopped to ask WHY the school system doesn’t educate people how to be successful?
The knowledge is there. The willingness to learn is there. So, why do governments not want our children to have the necessary skills in life to succeed? I mean, isn’t that what all parents want for their children? Isn’t that what we want for ourselves?
One very simple and easily implemented change is to teach our children how to set proper, realistic goals. Just learning this one, easy skill has the power to transform your life forever. In my latest publication, “My First Goal-setting Book”, I clearly lay out the simple steps you need to take back control of your life. Although it is primarily aimed at teenagers and young adults, it is also of tremendous value to people of all ages. These are tried and tested steps that I have used to great success personally and with hundreds of people around the world.
Every book you buy allows me to give one away to a child that needs to read and use it, but can’t afford to buy one.
The Christmas madness has already begun: promotions in shops… bookings at restaurants… the commercials on TV… that arduous search for the ‘perfect’ gift for a friend or loved one…
If you are having trouble deciding what to buy as a gift for someone at work, or that friend that seems to be impossible to please, or perhaps you know someone that always sets New Year’s Resolutions, but never manages to keep focused and keep them, this might just be the perfect gift for them.
I wrote it specifically for that person just starting out on the process of taking more control of their lives and wanting to know the basics and the ‘how to’ of setting goals that CAN be achieved easily.
It’s a short book, easy to read, and written in plain English, because unlike many other books on the same topic of goal-setting, I specifically wrote this book to be USED, not just read and discarded without action. Although I cannot make any guarantees that you WILL hit your goals, I can guarantee that if you apply the simple principles in this book and stick to your plan, you will eventually succeed at whatever you have set out to achieve.
In this book you will learn…
…that you already set goals, you just don’t do it consciously!
…why it’s important to set clear, written goals.
…how to construct a goal you’ll stick to.
…a step by step formula to build plans that work to hit your goals.
…and much, much more!
So, if you’re stuck for Christmas present ideas this year… why not consider buying a copy of this book.
Happy Holidays to you all, thanks for reading, and please feel free to share this far and wide.
(Kindly reproduced with permission from the author.
First published on a platform by SUCCESS.com)
The Essence of Goal-Setting A step-by-step approach for moving from your status quo to your heart’s desire
By Mary Vinnedge
If most goal-setting and action plans seem overly complex and intimidating, read on. Motivational coach-author Anthony Donnelly distills the process into easy-to-understand steps in My First Goal-Setting Book: How to Effectively Set & Achieve Your Life Goals. Goal-setting might seem new to you, but Donnelly says in practice, you do it constantly: getting out of bed at 6:30, doing your laundry, etc. The trick is to be conscious and intentional with goal-setting. “If you’ve been waiting for your wishes and dreams to come true, but nothing’s happened so far, it’s most likely because you are leaving it up to chance,” he writes.
Begin by jotting down notes about what you want, possibly related to health, leisure, family, career, education, health and/or giving back. Be sure each is something you’re extremely passionate about. Passion is the fuel that drives every successful person, Donnelly says.
Also key: Zero in on a modest goal from your wants. For instance, if you’d like to launch a business, try selling online or persuading a merchant to give you a corner display rather than leasing a 15,000-square-foot building straightaway. If you want to run a marathon but have never done more than dash to your front door in the rain, aim for a 5K race (3.1 miles)―not a half-marathon (13.1 miles)―in two months.
A key early step in Donnelly’s strategy is the SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats) planning tool outlined by Albert Humphrey in the 1960s. Divide a blank sheet of paper into SWOT quadrants and fill them in honestly and without rushing. Your strengths might include technical skills and tenacity. Perhaps weaknesses are impatience or shortage of money. Opportunities? Maybe a trade show or a mentor offering help. Threats could be competitors or a recession. Donnelly explains that this exercise forces you to think deeply and long-term, revealing problems to fix or avoid.
Now develop your goal statement based on SMART―aka Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-bound―guidelines. Don’t just write, “I want to quit my day job and be a solopreneur.” Instead be precise about your quest, establish a metric (perhaps a startup treasury plus emergency fund total), make sure it’s realistic (honest assessment), be certain the goal suits you (do you see yourself still reveling in this achievement well into the future?), and determine a deadline, something like “I will raise $15,000 and quit my job to do XXXX by next Dec. 31.” Type or write it out, and read it to yourself aloud for a positive affirmation.
Also write down five reasons why your goal matters. An example for an aspiring personal trainer: “I feel great about helping others become fit.” Incorporate the reasons into a paragraph that starts, “The reason this is important to me is…” Read this reasons statement silently and aloud. If you don’t feel thrilled about the five-point summary, put your paper aside, perhaps overnight, Donnelly says. Then revise the statement until it feels empowering. Add it below your SMART goal statement, and read these statements at least twice every day, aloud if possible. Doing so at bedtime is especially beneficial as your brain will mull them as you rest and provide you with fresh insights after you awaken.
Of course, the best plan in the world means nothing unless you act.
The next step in Donnelly’s process is the creation of action items and intermediate goals. Referring to that $15,000 needed by Dec. 31, state what needs to happen after nine months (savings of, say, $12,000), six months, three months, two months and one month. Write out these interim goals and deadlines and track your achievements. Personal-development experts emphasize the importance of celebrating each milestone with a reward such as a new book, massage or special coffee drink.
As you push forward, write weekly goals and focus on each while also visualizing the big picture, that final goal. Donnelly considers the ability to visualize your progress to be crucial for success.
Once you experience great results from setting and reaching that first modest goal, Donnelly predicts you’ll incorporate goal-setting into every area of your life, with your objectives becoming ever more ambitious.
Hopefully 2017 has begun as well for you as it has for me. If it hasn’t, you might want to read on and ponder on the following: Everyone has wishes and dreams.
The ability to use our imaginations to dream and create fictional constructs is one of the major human traits that clearly separates us from the animal world. The major difference between those who set and achieve their goals, and those who don’t is quite simply they have learned and practiced regularly how to use this gift to their benefit.
The unconscious (or subconscious) mind cannot differentiate between fact and fiction. This is good news, as it means whatever you wish to create in your future, you can do this simply by constantly feeding your unconscious mind pictures and information (including senses and feelings) focussed on what it is you want. This is why having clear, structured, realistic written goals that are reviewed on a regular basis are so essential.
The unfortunate fact of life is that there is a huge propaganda machine (the media: advertising and the news!) that is constantly trying to fill your head with THEIR messages. Look how many people on both sides of the ‘Pond’ are STILL moaning and complaining about Brexit and Trump! Get over it, you have no more control to change what’s happened. BUT you DO have control over what is directly happening in YOUR life.
Stop tuning into the media messages that are unproductive. Stop gossiping. Instead, set some goals and an action plan to create the life YOU DO WANT.
Fear may be stopping you from taking that first step, but we’ll be covering how to overcome fear and procrastination in the next blog post. If you want to learn how to set and achieve your goals, why not have a look at my book. It is very affordably priced, but if you truly cannot afford a copy, please message me and I’d be more than happy to email you a pdf copy for free: it’s my goal to put this information into as many people’s hands as possible. I’m here to help!
* * *
ANTHONY JAMES DONNELLY is a personal and business development coach with over 20 years experience helping people and corporations hit and surpass their goals. He is not just a theorist, he practices what he preaches, therefore in addition to this he is pursuing his own personal goals of professional acting and writing.
It’s Christmas. A time for love, generousity, and for giving, or ‘forgiving’. For this reason, ALL my kindle books will be free both today (Christmas Day) and tomorrow (Boxing Day) as a way of saying thank you to all my friends old and new, and spreading more of the spirit of the season.
All I ask in return is, if you download a copy of my book, please take a few minutes to honestly rate and review the book on amazon 🙂
NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS:
I’m not really one for making resolutions for New Year, but at this time I do like to reflect back on the past few months and take stock. Like many of you, I’m sure, this has been a great year, but also a bummer of a year. I lost two very great and dear friends: Dr. Wayne Dyer, a motivational force in my life, and Richard Anthony Eyre, an old school friend.
They will both be missed.
On the upside, I’ve met and made numerous new friends, mostly in the film and TV industry. Another positive to the year: I’m very excited at the great progress I’ve made since April of breaking back into the acting world again. A short film I starred in landed at Cannes, thanks to the wonderful director Miho Sugita. I finally got an agent! And I have two new film scripts doing the rounds. It’s almost as if my life has come full circle and I’ve arrived back where I was before I left sixteen years ago!
On the writing front, my books continue to sell – Thank you all for that! Although I feel a little lazy at not having completed ALL the new books I had planned to publish this year, they are still in the works and WILL BE published in 2016. How about that for positive thinking?!
Talking of positive thinking, it’s been wonderful to connect with some old friends (Tony Wilson, and Trevor Oakland, to name just two!) from the distant past and indulge my other passion for self-development and motivation. When there’s something you just can’t help yourself from doing, then that’s a good sign you should be doing it (if it’s positive in nature!)
Did I Give Enough, Live Enough, Laugh Enough, and Love Enough…?
When I reflect back on this year, there’s one question I ask myself, and that’s written above. I have certainly laughed a lot this year, thanks to new friends, Stephen, Jo, Louise, Helen, Ness, Rachael, and Darryl. Did I give enough…? I’m sure I could have given more, but within my financial constraints I think I gave as much as I could monetarily, on a personal level, definitely! As far as living enough, I don’t think there’s much more this little chap could have crammed into the last 12 months. I always consider myself as lazy, but then look at what I’ve managed to do and wonder why I keep thinking that! And then there’s love… ah, that sweet, alusive thing… As far as giving my love away, that has been joyously done over the year. More on a platonic level than romantic, but there is always hope…! I’m sure, somewhere out there, there is a young lady that has the patience to put up with my ‘insanity’.
Well, if you’ve read this far, I commend you. What a ramble! Here are the links to my free books. Enjoy! Share! And for all of you I have not yet wished a very Merry Christmas and a superb New Year, that was it.
Click on the book cover to take you to the amazon link for the book (sorry, these are US links. You’ll have to transfer to the country link you need!)
WHEN THE RAINBOW SMILED
A delighful, powerful short read accompanied by 19 exceptional watercolour paintings. Peace, love, harmony and balance.
A new age parable about connecting and listening to your heart. Let the Shepherd guide you to where you should be in life.
THE COCKROACH CHRONICLES
Can we learn about ourselves from probably one of the most detested creatures on the planet? Find out through a series of ten letters this brave, little thing writes back to those at home fighting the Eternal War…
49Q? THE ENIGMA CONTINUES
Not an easy read this one, I’ll give you that. This is an experimental novel, part of a trilogy, a film, and a musical album that never quite made it off the ground. Read at your peril, is all I say… It almost drove me mad writing it, but it’s full of philosophy, ridiculousness, and mischief. It’ll make sense once you’ve read it!
Remember, if you download a copy, please leave a rating and review, thank you very much!